So, a friend of mine posted an encounter she had with a guy who has (and has demonstrated in the past) sexist-asshole behavior. F-locked, or I’d link it. I’m posting my response (expanded upon a bit 🙂 ), because it sparked an idea for a project that I think would be kinda cool:
"This is one of the socialization/language traps (in the Deborah Tannen sense) that I still fall into and wish I could train myself out of: that urge in the moment to be conciliating and non-confrontational.
This circumstance is at its most annoying when I point out to someone what I’m doing, and they’re all: "No, guys do that too. That’s just how people are." And I’m like… no. You don’t get it. My inital urge is to placate out of a fear of sexualized abuse and/or gendered social wrongdoing. And it’s only when I have a few moments to process after that urge that I can throw off those coded behaviors.
The issue is not even what I’m doing so much as why I’m doing it. Fairy tales still hold sway over me. I’m supposed to speak softly, be yielding, have no voice, have no hands. When an abuser abuses me, I’m supposed to sneak off after they’re done. Salvation lies in silent flight, not in confrontation.
God, wouldn’t it be great to go through and rewrite the entire Grimm catalogue with combatting those behaviors and offering alternatives as the defining rubric? That’d be a cool project.
Cause all I need is more cool projects. Maybe I can make it a community effort?"
Heh. So… anyone want in? Grab yourself a Grimm and let’s get cracking!