I’ve been having a rough patch recently, and as many people are wont to do, I have been spinning it into a narrative of how I am an awful person, a failure at life, and this is some kind of cosmic karmic retribution for me being filled with suckitude.
I don’t normally post stuff like this on my journal. I hate discussing my problems in public venues… or even in private, because that often feels like whinging rather than trying to find real solutions. But I’ve been spot-pulling fae cards each morning to ask for help getting through the day, and today I pulled Sylvanius. Here is his description:
Starter Reading: At this time you are discovering new truths about yourself. They are essential for you to know in order to create relationships based on mutual respect, affection, and trust. These things can only work if we see ourselves and others as we are. Currently, both Faery and this world are functioning as a giant mirror in which we see ourselves in many surprising ways. People tend to dread this because we assume that we are worse than we think we are, but this is far from necessarily true. Now is a time for finding out the false and misleading beliefs you have accepted and discovering that you are a better person than you thought–and have the potential to accomplish more than you believed you could. If someone says you are better or simply different than you think you are, don’t automatically reject this. Think it over carefully. You have more to give and more to enjoy than you have been giving yourself credit for.
Wow, do I suck at this. I’m fairly convinced that I have the whole world fooled, including my nearest and dearest. At the same time, I often bemoan how misinformed my nearest and dearest are about ‘who I really am’. So, my request to the world at large is this: would you be willing to tell me a truth you’ve observed about me, so that I can challenge the way I reject other people’s perspectives about myself? I’m not asking for sunshine up my ass, just a bit of an outside-myself reality check from the folks who have met me in a variety of permutations.
Too bad for all of us that I didn’t pull the Dark Lady, huh? That would have been a *much* more interesting set of requests…
Bwahahahaha! Well, if nothing else, one thing this demonstrates to me is how well people know that I’m not one for public spectacle of personal stuff. So, yes, sending me a private email would be my preferred format: kitsune (dawt) alyc (ratta-tat-tat) gmail. Cause, y’know, crying at work multiple times a day is *fun*.
I love you all. Seriously. And I will make an exception and *attempt* to answer my phone this weekend.