I’ve been having a rough patch recently, and as many people are wont to do, I have been spinning it into a narrative of how I am an awful person, a failure at life, and this is some kind of cosmic karmic retribution for me being filled with suckitude.
I don’t normally post stuff like this on my journal. I hate discussing my problems in public venues… or even in private, because that often feels like whinging rather than trying to find real solutions. But I’ve been spot-pulling fae cards each morning to ask for help getting through the day, and today I pulled Sylvanius. Here is his description:
Starter Reading: At this time you are discovering new truths about yourself. They are essential for you to know in order to create relationships based on mutual respect, affection, and trust. These things can only work if we see ourselves and others as we are. Currently, both Faery and this world are functioning as a giant mirror in which we see ourselves in many surprising ways. People tend to dread this because we assume that we are worse than we think we are, but this is far from necessarily true. Now is a time for finding out the false and misleading beliefs you have accepted and discovering that you are a better person than you thought–and have the potential to accomplish more than you believed you could. If someone says you are better or simply different than you think you are, don’t automatically reject this. Think it over carefully. You have more to give and more to enjoy than you have been giving yourself credit for.
Wow, do I suck at this. I’m fairly convinced that I have the whole world fooled, including my nearest and dearest. At the same time, I often bemoan how misinformed my nearest and dearest are about ‘who I really am’. So, my request to the world at large is this: would you be willing to tell me a truth you’ve observed about me, so that I can challenge the way I reject other people’s perspectives about myself? I’m not asking for sunshine up my ass, just a bit of an outside-myself reality check from the folks who have met me in a variety of permutations.
Too bad for all of us that I didn’t pull the Dark Lady, huh? That would have been a *much* more interesting set of requests…
Heh.
::Edit::
Bwahahahaha! Well, if nothing else, one thing this demonstrates to me is how well people know that I’m not one for public spectacle of personal stuff. So, yes, sending me a private email would be my preferred format: kitsune (dawt) alyc (ratta-tat-tat) gmail. Cause, y’know, crying at work multiple times a day is *fun*.
I love you all. Seriously. And I will make an exception and *attempt* to answer my phone this weekend.
Alyc Helms 
Absolutely. And for the record, I know that *you* feel like you’re whinging when you talk to other people, but speaking for myself, I do not feel that way when you talk to me, at all. I’d pinkie-swear to it. Do you want one of these truths here, or in a personal e-mail?
Email would be lovely. And on an entirely non-sequitorish note, at lunch today I came up with the toast I want to give at the wedding. It needs refining, but the bones are there.
Amazingly, I manage to avoid mentioning your rack. Directly, at least!
Sure.
Through I’m with Avery on the lack of whining.
I’ve noticed a tendency recently to call it whinging. Somehow, when it’s British, it doesn’t sound so bad.
I’d be willing to help out, too – this self exploration stuff is hard, but very important! I second ‘s question, though – in a comment, screened, e-mailed, or what not?
Heh. I’m noticing a trend here. You people know me better than I thought. Email would be lovely.
Oh man, I so feel you on thinking that I’ve got everyone fooled, but they also don’t know me (but then they like, really know me and tell me things that surprise me).
I haven’t known you long but I have observations? XD
Heh. You are one of those weird random meet-ups that I need to introduce to everyone I know.
Everyone, this is Mala/Thrace/whatever she wants to call herself =P
Remember when I used to rave about Bryn, and then you all met Bryn and you were like, “Wow. Alyc is totally right. This chick rocks!”? Mala/Thrace is like that. She’s interested in gender stuff and comic books and fan communities. She writes post-feministish fantasy and she geeks out about theory and has a degree in anthropology. She has an aversion to phones and she loves Disney and Steampunkishness.
I meet the coolest people in the most random places.
Oh my god, Bryn? Went to Bryn Mawr? Writes romance books? Or did we go down this avenue already and we both know two different and awesome Bryns?
Also– omg, d’aww, you make me blush~
I’ll send you an e-mail.
Thank you. I think I should have requested emails from the starts. I wasn’t quite thinking straight when I posted this morning š
Are you asking for a truth right now, or for us to sign on for a future discussion? Because I’m on board for the latter, but need to devote some quality thought to the former, so it would be a bit delayed.
Now or future would be fine. I do have to say, talking with you about TNFKASOTS has been one of the bright points in my week, for a variety of reasons. I wish I could do that for a living.
It’s been a bright point for me, too. Things are working much better in my head now, and it’s great talking to you.
Bah, I say! *much hand waving like Dogbert*
Of course I come across this after having been up in Chitown all weekend, my timing being impeccable.
1) Yer awesome, ya dope.
2)I commiserate on the ‘funny things we tell ourselves that are complete bullocks’ department. It is a hard and lifelong thing to untangle oneself from that Woolworth’s of mental sabotage.
3) If you still need or would like it, I can totally flummox you by email. Mine email ist: oddsboyii at gmail dot com. Um, without the period at the end. Hmmm. Grammar needs to come up with a better way to do that. I’m not sure what I can do ya for for a ‘reality’ check *psssht, reality* but I can probly do ya a surreality check.
4) Buggrit Millennium Hand and Shrimp.
-Crow