Why I hate OneStart
by A. Helms, Grade 20
This morning I set aside about an hour to go on to OneStart in order to pay my outstanding balance on my bursar bill and register for my summer research hours. More than enough time you might think for such a minor task.
Unfortunately, I forgot to take into account the fact that OneStart is perhaps one of the worst portal sites of all time, offering me services that I don’t care about and don’t need (because I get them from more able and accessible providers), but unable to perform the simple and basic tasks that it actually needs to perform, such as paying bursar bills and registering for classes.
I have now spent almost and hour and a half watching in mounting frustration as pop-ups wouldn’t load, information wouldn’t be available, and as I was booted multiple times from a site that suddenly decided it didn’t like the log-in I used a few minutes before. I still have only managed to pay my bursar bill (get the money first, you bloodsuckers), but have not yet managed to register. I dread to think how long that will take.
I don’t really think there is a fix for something that is so inherently broken, other than to string up the people who decided that paying for this service was a good idea, and mock them until they cry. I at least hope that somebody got a nice little kickback for deciding to go with this program, and that they are now enjoying early retirement on some island in the French Riviera in exchange for my frustration, suffering and lost time.
With sincere disgust,
A. Helms
Prisoner of OneStart
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Update edit: Their reply, my response. I usually don’t mess with IT people because they can’t help it if they’re servicing broken programs, but at least I’m doing so with humor.
Quoting ithelp
> A. –
>
> We are currently having problems with OneStart’s Self-Service tab. Once fixed, it will be listed as
> so in the ITNotices page http://ithelp.indiana.edu/notice.cgi>.
>
>
> M.
And my reply:
Currently? Don’t you mean consistently?
Good luck on fixing OneStart. Job had a better chance at his labors.
A.
Alyc Helms 
amen.
I hate onestart. especially because even after a fucking year, it doesn’t offer the simple services it is supposed to, like transcript viewing. I would love the ability to view my transcript as one page, but if I want to see it, I have to look at 8 different pages.
Also, whose bright idea was it to have tools called oncourse and onestart. They are easy to confuse in a drop down menu.
I have yet to meet a person who likes OneStart. I know bneuensc recently wrote a diatribe as well (would love to see it, if she still has it). I think it would be fun for the OneStart IT people to have a contest in the IDS where they show the ten most scathing/funny complaints and let the student populace vote on which one most describes their own feelings on OneStart. I think if they guy replies again I might suggest it.
here here! May it burn in the firey depts of the underworld! And then be peed on by ravonous monkeys!!!
Rarin’
My name is Jeana. I have a confession to make. I also hate OneStart. It’s taken me a while to reach this point, because I always want to be optimistic… but I’m ready to give up on the entire thing since half of OneStart doesn’t even bloody work on my computer; I can’t access my grades or anything. And signing up for classes–let alone just accessing the course descriptions–was a trial in itself. I’ve only signed up for half my courses, too. I hope your guys’ support will help me get through the rest of it.
Hi Jeana. The first thing you need to do is give yourself over to a higher power…preferably one that can SMITE. Then you can entertain yourself with fantasies about your higher power SMITING OneStart, the people who made it, the people who chose it as IU’s portal, and random passersby.
the smiting *is* wonderful
I’ve been half-tempted to ask IU if they’d be willing to hire me specifically to fix OneStart. It’s not as if I could do a worse job with … oh … sticks, a pile of rotten fruit, and a tin can.
And gum. You must have gum.
minty gum, or bubble gum flavored gum?
Grape.
My littlest dog totally smells like artificial grape.
Don’t forget duct tape . . . everything works better with duct tape.
And horse apples.
um…are those anything like road apples?
They are the apples that fall out of trees and hit horses; because of the impact (horses’ heads are quite hard), these apples are squishy, mushed, and hideous.
Really, I’ve never heard of that before. Did you learn that one when you were a knife thrower in the circus? It’s so cool to learn new things from you, pythia ;>